How Can I Tell if I Have Aspergers

A humorous look at Aspergers. Englebert updated this blog post in 2022 here.

by Englebert Lau

What are the acme x signs you have Asperger's Syndrome?

1) Y'all take inflexible routines

  Girl: "Allow'due south go watch a movie this evening."
Guy: "I tin can't, I have to play hockey."
Daughter: "You play hockey every Friday night. Why tin can't y'all change your routine?"
Guy: "Good habits are important. Do you know what happens if I skip hockey to watch a movie tonight? Next week, I'll skip hockey because you lot want to become shopping. The week after that, I'll take to skip hockey because you want to paint pottery. Afterwards years of no exercise, I'll die early and overweight. Is that what you desire?"
Daughter: "Oh my god, you're crazy."

2) Y'all have trouble displaying emotion

  [Emotion #ane: happy]   Daughter: "Oh my god, you just won the lotto. Why don't you look happy?"
Guy: "I am happy. I can pay off my mortgage faster. Wait, I'm grinning. Doesn't that mean I'yard happy?"

  [Emotion #2: sad]   Girl: "I'm sorry to hear that Calgary lost to Toronto. Are yous okay?"
Guy: "I'm sad. Wait, I'm not smiling. Doesn't that prove I'm deplorable?"

  [Emotion #3: aroused]   Daughter: "I'grand so sorry that I broke your Batman DVD."
Guy: "I'm angry. Practise I need to snap ane of your shoes in one-half to evidence that I'm upset?"

3) Y'all have trouble figuring what is appropriate in social situations

  Guy: [Gives flimsy hug]   Girl: "Why is your hug and then weak? Are you lot afraid of women?"
Guy: [Gives firm hug]   Daughter: "Why are you squeezing me and then tightly? Cease choking me, you weirdo!"

4) Yous lack empathy

  Daughter: [Crying]   Guy: "What'south wrong?"
Daughter: "My boyfriend only dumped me."
Guy: "Would you like a Kleenex?"
Girl: "What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever loved someone for years, then watched them walk away and then rip out your heart? Why can't you show any emotion?"
Guy: "But I'm having a good day. The Calgary Flames won the hockey game. Why do I have to pretend that I'm lamentable only to make you feel better?"

five) Y'all know way too much information virtually a unmarried topic

  Girl: "What's the name of the girl who plays Daenerys on Game of Thrones?"
Guy: "Emilia Clarke."
Girl: "How old is she?"
Guy: "She's 28, born on May 1st, 1987."
Girl: "Who is she going out with?"
Guy: "She bankrupt up with Seth MacFarlane in March 2013."
Girl: "Why practise you know this stuff?

6) You lot have trouble figuring out when to lie

  Girl: "Does this apparel make me wait fat?"
Guy: "Aye."
Girl: "What the hell is wrong with you?" [Throws shoe at guy]   Guy: "Do you want me to lie, or tell the truth? Information technology'due south i or the other. Y'all can't have both!"

7) You accept problem describing basic emotions

  Girl: "So how would y'all describe yourself when yous're angry?"
Guy: "I change the pitch of my voice. People who yell are usually upset."
Daughter: "Just at a hockey game, if the Flames score a goal, people yell because they're happy."
Guy: "Emotions are unreliable. Why do you lot ever inquire how I feel? Why can't you focus on reliable information, like facts?"
Daughter: "Yous're weird. You're an emotionless robot."

8) You intendance way likewise much virtually organizing stuff

  Girl: [Puts DVD dorsum on shelf]   Guy: "What the hell are you doing?"
Daughter: "I'm putting your Batman Blu-Ray back on your shelf. What'due south your trouble?"
Guy: "Did you go to kindergarten? Alphabetical club is "A", then "B", then "C". Yous almost put Batman on my shelf afterward Community. Good lord. How can I find a DVD when you lot're messing up my stuff?"
Girl: "Dude, relax. It'southward but a Blu-Ray. Information technology's no big deal."
Guy: "Sure. Simply like the alphabet and kindergarten are no large bargain. Without kindergarten, we wouldn't be able to take this conversation!"

9) You take problem agreement other people'due south emotions

  Girl: "Wasn't Romeo and Juliet the all-time story every written? Didn't the story brand you experience really sad?"
Guy: "I didn't feel anything. All I learned from Romeo and Juliet is that it's important to develop technology."
Girl: "What's wrong with you? Romeo and Juliet both gave upward their lives because they were in love. They made the ultimate sacrifice for each  other!"
Guy: "Tin can you imagine if they lived in 2015? All they had to do was send each other one lousy text message. Bam! Problem solved. No one had to dice."
Girl: "Oh my god. You're an emotionless robot who doesn't understand romance."
Guy: "Hey, it's not my fault that they didn't invent cell phones in the Middle Ages."

x) You need other people to provide articulate schedules and expectations

  Daughter: "We should hang out some fourth dimension."
Guy: "What does that mean? What twenty-four hours do you lot desire to hang out? How long do y'all want to hang out? What do you want to practice? Can you be more specific? What does hanging out mean? Does that mean doing something that you want to exercise? Do I take to hang out with new people, which volition crusade me to analyze what is adequate social behaviour, which changes from one person to the side by side person? Why tin can't y'all define annihilation clearly?"
Girl: [Sighs]

  * * *

Englebert Lau was diagnosed with a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 30. The majority of Englebert's professional person career has been working in It equally a Concern Analyst. Englebert created http://www.hitchhikeraspie.com. The purpose of this website is to share a lite-hearted perspective on Asperger's Syndrome. Englebert would like to increment exposure about Asperger's Syndrome for a wide range of people, by providing examples of how it affects his everyday life. Englebert loves Television series and movies, especially the HBO Game of Thrones series.

Artwork: Debbie Denenburg – Giant Purple Planet

Notation:

The Art of Autism realizes many people come to this folio with the questions, Exercise I have Autism? or, Do I have Aspergers? We recommend diagnosis past a professional. However, there are a couple of popular online quizzes that may give you an indication if you might be on the spectrum:

• The Aspie Quiz
• Autism Spectrum Quotient online test

See likewise:

• Top Ten Signs a Girl is Bored by Englebert Lau
• Females and Aspergers: A Checklist by Samantha Craft

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Source: https://the-art-of-autism.com/top-10-signs-you-have-aspergers/